i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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