even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Randomize
