its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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