i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Sober January is a disaster.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
