I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
