Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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