I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
