id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
