wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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