I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
