for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
