he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
