How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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