Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
