Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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