why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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