I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I did not marry a roomba.
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