this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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