I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
