he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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