Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
