A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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