omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I had to cum in my sink.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
