Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
