Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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