Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
