the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
