im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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