I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
soo... how was my night?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
