She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
