I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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