i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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