you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
