I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
