Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
