i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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