dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
