every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
