I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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