I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
