You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
