I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
