at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
