A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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