If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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