ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
