Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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