I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
