Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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