Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
