haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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