but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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