he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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