Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
