i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
