I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize