Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
