So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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