I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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