she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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