I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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