Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
