sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
