I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
porn star boner night. come get it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
