I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
