I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
