saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
