Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
