About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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