shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
false alarm. still invincible.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
A+ Viking dick
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