Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
