I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
