Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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