i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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