Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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