break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
