Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
