Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
