did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
