after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
