This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
