11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
