i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well I just put wine in my tea
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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