i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
