were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize