i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
