I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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