her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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