3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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