i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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