Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
